Agri agony aunt: A farmer’s dirty dilemma

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s no-holds-barred agri agony aunty. While she receives many letters from across South Africa, preference is given to those who are working in the agricultural sector. Yes, farmers have issues too, and Liewe Lulu’s got the tissues

Insecure: A farmer feels disrespected by her fiancé and Liewe Lulu has some guidance to offer. Photo: Food For Mzansi

A farmer feels disrespected by her fiancé and Liewe Lulu has some guidance to offer. Photo: Food For Mzansi

Second thoughts from Kimberley, Northern Cape writes….

Liewe Lulu…

My soon-to-be husband has a lot of female friends and that makes me uncomfortable. I farm with a few cattle, goats and sheep in Warrenton and we have been together for ten years.

He has had interest in some of these women before and recently told me that one of them had rejected a proposal because she was waiting until he was available. This is not an isolated incident. I constantly feel disrespected by these women when I am around them. I am always body shamed and they will say things like, “he needs a woman who is much smaller than me”.

Had he made it clear in words and actions that he was no longer interested romantically then they would not base their life decisions on the hope that he will leave me for them.

Sometimes I feel like he even tells me these things because he wants to make me aware gore lots of women are lining up to have him. It confuses me and makes me wonder if he is even committed to me?

Is this behaviour going to be healthy for our marriage, where I am now constantly paranoid that he is going to cheat? I feel insecure.

Thoughts my dearest…

Lame boo… Tomato, tomato, I am throwing tomatoes! This man is an immature pig baby and a walking red flag. How brazen must you be to make veiled threats? In 2022? Boo!

Does he know how lucky he is that you even said yes? What a loser. But let Liewe Lulu stop cussing your whack man out and offer you her shoulder to cry on. *Woosah* Here is your tissue. Dry your tears.

He has made you paranoid and insecure, but you do not really establish whether you want to stay with this man or if you are considering leaving?

A proposal leading to marriage is anxiety inducing, sure, but only because you are stressed about the wedding day and menus. Not about whether your man is going to stick is pickle somewhere he shouldn’t be.

You can still run, you know.

One thing I have learned as the soi-disant daughter of my queen Nina Simone is to get the hell out of dodge when it is not giving love. Struggle love is not love. Veiled threats like telling your partner you are going to call it quits or divorce them, withhold love and affection or, worse yet, sex sends a very clear and deliberate message that you are full of sh*t and not really committed.

Although it is very hard to face the humiliation, you can still walk out that door with your last shreds of pride. Miss Nina said, “You’ve got to learn to leave the table, when love is no longer served.”

This is manipulation at its best. Sies. He can kick rocks. But if you want him to stay because you love the pig, then I suggest whiskey and counselling.

Write to Liewe Lulu

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s agri agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
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