Liewe Lulu: I have feelings for two men

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s no-holds-barred agri agony aunty. While she receives many letters from across South Africa, preference is given to those who are working in the agricultural sector. Yes, farmers have issues too, and Liewe Lulu’s got the tissues

A farmer wonders if she is in love with two men. Liewe Lulu says there is no such thing, be honest with your feelings. Photo: Food For Mzansi

A farmer wonders if she is in love with two men. Liewe Lulu says there is no such thing, be honest with your feelings. Photo: Food For Mzansi

Split in between two from Klerksdorp, North West writes…

So here is a scenario for you, sis: After three years, the love of my life dumped me. I moved on and a year later I found an amazing, loving new boyfriend. I couldn’t believe I picked up all the pieces.

My ex found out, apologised and proposed. I rejected the offer and decided to stay with my new man. We have been together for two years now. My problem is that my ex lives in my head. I cannot stop thinking about him. He still calls, we still say I love you and I get butterflies when I see him.

I farm with poultry and some vegetables. I have an amazing boyfriend, life couldn’t get better. My question Liewe Lulu, have I gone crazy? I am in love with two men. How do I choose?

My dearest Split

Do you really need Liewe Lulu if you have the answer? Love of your life? Butterflies? A daily ‘I love you’ to the man who is not even in your bed at this moment? Girl, was there even a choice to begin with?

New bae never stood a chance.

You know I do be getting preachy about honesty and communication, but here is the tea chile.


Love is honesty. How can you love these men when you cannot be honest with them? Then you might as well not be in a relationship.

Being lied to hurts and you never put someone you care about through such a painful situation. None of you deserve that. You don’t get to pick and choose whose life you flip upside down. What’s worse is that you are not only lying to ex bae and new bae, but you are lying to yourself as well.

I think you have some serious introspection ahead of you.

You have three choices here:

Option one: Break it off with new bae and reignite your past love.

Option two: Cancel ex bae (as you should) and keep on working on your new relationship;

Option three: Break it off with both and let them go on their merry ways. It is the festive season and no one has time for stress. Re batla ho ba happy, le carefree. Own up to your own mess even if it means you will lose one or both. Be honest about your own feelings.

Write to Liewe Lulu

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s agri agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
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