Denial River from Pietermaritzburg, KwaZulu-Natal writes….
I am a farmer lady in my 40s, never been married and have been farming for almost 15 years. I am newly single and ended a messy relationship with a man I knew in my youth. I suspected that he may have been stealing from me. When I confronted him, he denied it and told me that I was too independent and miserable and left.
I have not seen him for five months now and I have closed that chapter in my life. I do wonder though, how long will it take for me to heal? It has been months and I still feel the same hurt that I did when he left me.
What if he was right? Even if I were to get into another relationship, how well do you really know a person until they hurt you?
My dearest Denial,
Askies my darling, but healing was never linear babes. I mean even branches bend, rivers wind, and valleys dip, obviously healing is not going to happen in a straight line, mos?
Healing cannot be thought of as some farming task you can just tick off and its done. No man, healing is a practice. It is digging deep and getting down and dirty with those feels.
Think of true healing as an upward spiral. It is cyclical and each time it comes around you sort of peel back those hard layers to get closer to the core.
The core, in this case, being an alleged scammer? If that isn’t a walking red flag then I don’t know what is. Not only did he steal from you, but he gaslit you and walked out on you.
You deserve better. When someone you care about and love, hurts you, you have the ultimate choice here. You can hold on to the anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge, or you can embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Only way is up. Also revenge plots are not worth a main character’s energy. Take your time to process!