Liewe Lulu: Am I ready to wear the pants?

A farmer wonders if she would be emasculating her hubby if she asked him to step down as the breadwinner in the relationship. Photo: Food For Mzansi

Mrs Pants from Bloemfontein writes…

Liewe Lulu

I don’t think I am a very traditional woman. I have a small 5-hectare farm in Spitskop where I farm with chickens and green veggies. I’ve been doing this for some five years now and things are going well.

I recently started liking the idea of being the breadwinner and go-getter in my marriage. I love farming and I already feel like I wear the pants in my relationship. The thought of a man taking care of me has never really turned me on anyway.

My husband works in finance and is good at what he does but, unlike me, he is not as driven or as passionate about what he does. He comes home feeling defeated and his contribution to the household bills doesn’t make an impact on the quality of our lives.

Because of my full days, I am too tired to even lift a finger when I come home, let alone to do house chores. And I know my hubby would love not to work…

WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT it AND HE IS HAPPY TO BE “MR FARMER’S HUSBAND”. but I am a little sceptical and worried that it would make him feel emasculated.

We also don’t have kids and will not be having any anytime soon.

What do you think?

My Dearest Mrs Pants

Bona, wena my love, are a revolutionary woman! I love it, I love you and I sure love your saint of a husband.

Just follow your heart already, and do it if it will bring you joy and happiness. It will be fantastic and it will be challenging but the two of you very clearly have the same mind on this one.

I must warn you, though: Make sure that your expectations are clearly and thoroughly discussed, even if it means you must put pen to paper and write them down. Discuss every single expectation you have for this new arrangement, or you will be disappointed.

Your boo sounds like a cool dude and I am sure that he is madly in love with you. But he might also want to explore this hiatus with some hobbies like painting, building furniture and stargazing – whatever floats his boat – when he is not doing house chores (or whisking you off to bed after he has fed you a well-deserved five-course dinner).

I don’t want you to be left questioning whether he’s really taking care of you, so set the expectations early in this new journey.

On your question about emasculating him: Well honey, no man can be emasculated unless, to some degree, he allows it.

A 2017 study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that men care less if their female partner wears the pants in the relationship than if it was the other way around. When men are subordinate in a relationship, it doesn’t bother them very much.

These wonderful men did not see the reversed power dynamics of their relationship as any less intimate or stable than relationships where men wore the pants. Those feelings will only come from people who are observing your relationship. Who cares, woman?

You are the architect of your own destiny, akere? So do you, and shut down the haters. Go live your unconventional truth and be happy!

Write to Liewe Lulu

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s agri agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
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