Liewe Lulu: Should I take my L and move on?

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s no-holds-barred agri agony aunt. While she receives many letters from across South Africa, preference is given to those who are working in the agricultural sector. Photo: Food For Mzansi

Sour Lemons from Klerksdorp in North West writes…

Liewe Lulu,

I love a man, but I do not think that he wants to be in a relationship with me. My friends have been begging for me to forget about him and move on, but that is easier said than done.

I farm with citrus, and I am 26 years old.

We were friends before we became lovers. He used to be one of my best male friends, For whom I also had feelings. But we never acted on those feelings.

He had a girlfriend, and I had no intention of being a side chick, so I moved on. We reconnected a few months ago. he is newly single, and we picked up where we had left off.

We have been calling, texting and hanging out. the last time we were together I landed up cuddling and kissing him in his bed.

Ever since this incident he hasn’t called or texted and when I do reach out, he will always tell me that he is busy.

I feel like this man owes me an explanation for his behaviour. I feel like I’ve lost my friend. I texted him a few days ago, asking if everything is okay between us. his reply was just, “Yeah, we good”.

How can I bring my feelings up without looking crazy? My friends say I should forget about him and just move on, don’t I deserve and explanation?

Lemons, my dearest,

Men are not always the best at expressing their emotions or letting you know how they feel about you. They are a very guarded gender.

Is it in their nature? No, but I do think it is something they pick up along the way.

I hate to sound like a broken record, but they will show you how they feel about you. And when they do, it would be in your best interest to believe them. They are all action and no talk.

This man likes you, but also doesn’t like you.


Now you can do either one of two things. Pretend, tell him to kiss your ass and gracefully take your L, forget about the love vibes and keep working on your friendship. Or you can come to grips with the fact that you won’t ever find closure and take your friends’ advice. I hate to cause you any more pain, but take hesitancy as a no. What’s the point if he isn’t feeling it?

No amount of deserving or demanding or begging and pestering will bring you the answers you seek.

Take your L, move on and heal, babes.

Write to Liewe Lulu

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s agri agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
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