It’s Stale in the Karoo from Carnarvon, Northern Cape, writes…
Liewe Lulu,
I am a 40-year-old mother of three, and a farmer. I have been married to the father of my sons for no less than two years and I am only now realising what a selfish lover my husband really is.
He expects things from me but refuses to return the favour. When I ask for him to change things up or return some foreplay he refuses because “that is not what a man does”.
I am unsatisfied and unhappy. We are not connecting at all, and I am on the verge of cheating. Please help.
My Dearest Stale…
Nana, the idea of drinking from the cup of a sex beast sounds tempting yes, but cheating won’t help your situation. If anything, it will make it worse. Now instead of dealing with your stingy, sexually repressed hubby you will have one who is outraged when he discovers your infidelity.
Gasp…
Selfish lovers are irksome and one of the worst offenders in the sex world, I know, but behave, please.
I know I sound like a broken record, but in this case, you need to communicate, calmly.
Find a time when you and Mr Stingy are both calm and talk to him.
Tell him that you love him and all, but when it comes to the sex department you are unsatisfied. Personally, I think he should be locked up in a lover’s prison for his offences but that’s just me. I mean its 2021 and sex with no big O is just a crime against humanity.
Anyway, so when engaging in very sensitive dialogues relating to our needs, shrinks always tell us to make use of “I feel X when you do Y” statements. And what I mean by this is opening a dialogue where you do not criticise him but instead tell him how you feel because of the sex life or situation.
You want it to be an open dialogue about sex rather than a personal critique. You want to frame the changes that you want in the context of something positive.
