Farming demands more than time. It demands emotional, physical, and financial sacrifice. Many farmers start from scratch, learning as they go while under pressure to make the business work, meet supplier expectations, and support their families. Sharing these pressures with a loved one could make the load a little lighter.
In the middle of these daily stresses, love can become a quiet escape. A simple moment away from the fields, a small bunch of flowers, a shared meal, or a sip of wine that says slow down, breathe, and start again.
One of the things Phelisa Ndayi is most proud of in her relationship with her farming and livestock health business and romantic partner, Lubabalo Bunu from the Eastern Cape, is their communication.
She says he is not afraid to communicate openly and is always honest about his feelings.
“We prioritise constant communication and make a conscious effort to remain respectful and kind to one another, even during difficult moments. Trusting each other’s decisions and reminding ourselves that we share a common goal has been central to supporting one another through the ups and downs,” Ndayi explains.
Bunu tells Food For Mzansi that it is easier for them to recognise when the other is feeling distressed or experiencing burnout because they communicate openly and honestly.
“We usually notice it through changes in mood or energy and make time to talk things through before it becomes overwhelming. One strategy that has worked well for us is being spontaneous and allowing ourselves to take a short break, sometimes a quick getaway to a nearby B&B just to reset and relax, or going on a dinner date.”
Although they both love travelling, Bunu says, “The change of environment helps us unwind and regain perspective together.”
Related stories
- Say it with flowers: Farm-fresh love for Valentine’s Day
- Vegetarian Valentine: A no-fuss meatless menu
- Tending the soul: How farmers find peace and thrive
Love and labour in perfect balance
For KwaZulu-Natal farmers Mbali Sithole and Dumisani Biyela, love is built in the fields through patience, teamwork, and shared purpose.
Working together as business partners and a couple has taught them that love is not just romance. It is choosing each other through both the good and the difficult days.
Sithole says there are moments when the stress is real, whether from business losses, climate change, or decisions that do not always have clear answers.
“In those moments, we lean into communication and grace. We divide roles based on our strengths, but we always carry the vision together.”
Mbali Sithole
.
“At the end of the day, the farm grows because we grow by listening, supporting one another, and protecting our love as carefully as we protect the land. It’s usually the small things: sharing a meal, talking after the day winds down, or taking a short walk together. Those little moments keep us connected.”
Healthy coping mechanisms
Overwork and dedication often lead people to neglect themselves and, sometimes, their partners, says educational psychologist Sandie Radebe, who runs a private practice in KwaZulu-Natal.
“You may be physically present, but psychologically, you are busy thinking about making money, harvesting more, and selling more produce. This can indirectly affect your partner, who may feel a sense of neglect.
“It’s important to take a break and enjoy what they call ‘me time’. It’s vital to find yourself, because it’s easy to get lost in the twists of everything,” he says.
When breaks are difficult, he suggests meditation, a business detox, or a screen detox to reset for a moment. “We are social beings. If you are too fixated on your business, you might develop stress-related issues such as strokes or migraines,” he warns.
Radebe advises farmers to find effective coping mechanisms, such as going to the gym, which is highly recommended for anyone feeling burned out.
Protect and nurture your relationship
According to holistic counsellor Tebogo Makgoane from Brits, North West, when stress rises, many couples immediately jump into problem-solving mode.
However, she said that before solutions, what is often needed most is emotional validation. In difficult times, emotional support can be just as vital as financial planning or crop management.
“Strength in marriage is not the absence of vulnerability. It is the courage to share it,” Makgoane says.
She explains that chronic stress affects mood, patience, sleep, and communication. Farmer couples can benefit from simple grounding practices, such as:
- Taking five-minute breathing breaks together
- A short evening walk to discuss work
- Pausing before responding during conflict
“When both partners regulate their nervous system, they respond instead of react,” Makgoane notes.
She also shares ways to appreciate each other and protect the relationship:
- Create ‘no-farm’ windows: Set aside protected time where business conversations are not allowed. Even one dinner per week gives the relationship space to breathe.
- Acknowledge effort, not just outcomes: Farming outcomes are not always in your control – weather, markets, and supply chains all play a role. Celebrate effort, not just profit or yield.
- Small rituals of connection: Love is sustained through small, consistent gestures.
- Protect individual identity: While they are business partners, they are also individuals.
- Revisit the ‘why’: Why did you start farming? Why did you choose each other?
READ NEXT: Post-harvest pests, poor storage cut smallholder yields
