Shamed and alone from Parys, Free State writes…
I just started a job as a farm manager. Part of the position requires me to have a mentor. My mentor, a big old Afrikaans man, and I get along well, and we are both passionate about agriculture. I really look up to him and value his input. He is also very kind, helpful and supportive.
But he makes comments about how much I eat and how tight my pants are when I am trying to board the tractor. I am not a small woman, and have struggled with my weight all my life. I usually just shrug it off but whenever I take a break, he asks if I am going to eat again.
Recently, he and his wife invited us for a spitbraai. He asked if they had two prepared because one wouldn’t be enough. He said he was only joking but I felt so embarrassed. Should I be concerned about my eating habits? I even stopped eating in front of him. I am at a loss for how to address this. Please help.
My dearest Shamed
Bathong ba modimo! Do people still punch down in 2022? Fat jokes are such a tired, overplayed and lazy joke. I mean is he a secret doctor or an undercover tailor to be concerned about how tight your pants are?
Good grief. If there is one thing that will always have room in the hate holes of Liewe Lulu’s heart, it is a fat-shamer. Worse, one that makes silly, sly jokes in the workplace.
Nxn, that son of a gun.
But in the spirit of your new beginning, we will not be playing in the mud with this foul mouthed boomer. We lead with love, light, grace, and a sexual harassment lawyer if we need to.
Might I suggest a friendly PowWow with the old timer so that we can establish some boundaries in this workplace.
Try this:
“Hey Oom, can we have a quick chat about something? I know that you are coming from a good place with your comments about my diet, but it actually makes me feel really self-conscious and uncomfortable when you bring it up. Do you mind not talking about my pants and what I eat? We can talk about so many things. I mean we are busy feeding the nation, and I am so proud to work alongside you in this mission.”
I do think he deserves to be reported because why even is he looking at your ass? But we have an opportunity here to educate someone on the power and potential harm that these comments have.
Gather up your courage and take this as an opportunity to protect not only yourself, but future chubby co-workers and even your mentor from their dated comments about weight.
ALSO READ: Liewe Lulu, am I the other woman?
