Formerly Fat Farmer Girl from Potchefstroom in North West writes…
I need help finding my sexual confidence again.
I am 29, run a mixed farming operation alongside my parents and have been big all my life until I was diagnosed pre-diabetic two years ago.
My doctor advised me to lose the weight and I did. I cut alcohol. letting go of my love for sugar and bread was tough, but I am now 40kg lighter.
The loss was gradual, but it feels like suddenly I have lost a part of me.
When I was big, I was involved with a man who said he loved “big, beautiful women”. He treated me like a queen in the sheets until I lost the weight.
Suddenly all the excess skin I developed was bothersome. he was no longer attracted to me. I felt awkward around him and eventually let him go.
Learning to love this new body that has turned heads is like learning to love me for the first time. I feel like when I look in the mirror that is not my reflection. I keep expecting the fat girl to show up every time I eat a cookie.
I recently started seeing a new man. it’s new and we have not been intimate. When we do spend time together, I keep dreading the intimacy because I don’t feel sexy.
Please help, how can I love this new me and feel like my formerly unashamed, sexy self again?
My dearest queen
A round of applause on making positive changes that were crucial in your health and well-being. Baby, I bet you knocked the socks off these men pining over you before and continue to do so even now! Shine wena, aphrodite!
You know what ruffles my feathers, though? A man who leaves a woman because they lost the weight drinks from the same bowl of societal standards as a man who leaves a woman who has gained weight.
Bunch of losers. Now you deserve a standing ovation, my queen, for dropping the dead weight of a relationship with that unsupportive, unloving, shallow, self-centred, insecure, man-baby scumbag!
Bona, we are cheering from the stands of Orlando stadium because that is a real milestone!
You make Liewe Lulu want to tear up. Loving yourself is a revolutionary act. Self-love is revolutionary. And when you realise that all of you deserves that same appreciation and all the affection and tenderness that you have shown all these whack-ass men, you will be the sex goddess you once knew and lost on your new path.
To unlock the trapped goddess we are going to need to tap into that divine feminine power we have watched become dormant. To feel sexually confident again, step into my little corner of self amore…
- You’re not a bloody mime, get out the box. The love of your life is “you” first. A woman who is secure in her self is magnetic. You can never be timid when you have existed in the same era as an entire Brenda Fassie! Unlock raw, uncut p-power from your sacral chakra with a few pole fitness classes. Splurge on sexy panties for your eyes only!
- Self-care is fundamental. From now on you are an egg. No, you are your mother’s finest crystal champagne flutes that are only handled with the utmost care. You are exclusively yours. We are aligning only with radical positive vibes. We are intentional in how we choose to care for ourselves. So, if it does not serve you in any way or form, cancel it.
- Consider a sexy role model. In all honesty mine is Zodwa Wabantu. I have never seen someone radically love themselves like she does. It’s beautiful, magnetic even. You do not have to be sexy like her, but you can be sexy like you!
- Your pleasure pearl is your friend, do not neglect her. You can get help with a bedroom aid or freestyle. Love the pearl for what it can do.
- Get to know the new you. When you are applying that cocoa butter, you massage every fold with intention. We speak “I love you”, staring deep into our own eyes looking back at us in the mirror. You can’t intimidate you, don’t be scared.