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Liewe Lulu: He threatens to end things with every fight

Liewe Lulu: He threatens to end things with every fight

20th May 2021
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Home Liewe Lulu

Liewe Lulu: He threatens to end things with every fight

by Noluthando Ngcakani
20th May 2021
in Liewe Lulu, Lifestyle
Reading Time: 2 mins read
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Liewe Lulu: He threatens to end things with every fight

Liewe Lulu is sassy, classy and a bit bad-assy. No stone goes unturned as Liewe Lulu answers all your love woes. She's a ball of wisdom with all the answers to your burning questions, from personal hygiene to getting and bedding your lover. Liewe Lulu has got you covered. Welcome to Mzansi's favourite agri agony aunt. Photo: Food For Mzansi

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WTF’d from Soweto in Johannesburg writes:

Liewe Lulu,
What do you do when a guy constantly asks, “Why are we even together?” at the end of every argument? Thabo and I met in January this year at a mutual friend’s birthday party and our connection was almost instant.
We started spending most of our time together and have made amazing memories in our relationship. In the first month of us dating, he told me that he loved me while the sun was setting on his farm. This caught me off guard, though, because I wasn’t really ready to take that step so early in the relationship. I went along with it anyways.
Well, fast-forward six-months later and things have gone sour. We constantly fight over the smallest things and I never know when he might snap. He will be happy one moment and then dangle our relationship in my face and threaten to end it whenever he gets frustrated with me. How do I make this stop, Lulz?

My dearest WTF’d

Babes, he wants you to answer, “We are together because I cannot go on living without you. You are a god amongst men.” This declaration would then be followed by your dramatic surrender into his big man guns. *Rolling my eyes.*
What a joke. I suspect that you are dealing with a narcissist of note, my dear. When you eventually get bored of having the relationship dangled over your head, simply say, “We are not.” And see what he does next.
Narcissists want to dominate and control. And the trick is to simply not give into their power play. They are charmers who will talk you into a fantasy and then ruin you. Do not submit.
He is not allowed to throw his toys out of the cot whenever he throws a tantrum.
I am assuming that he is wildly capable of expressing himself through basic, human communication skills as an adult.  And I’m assuming can discern between the right and wrong way to speak to people. It boils down to manners, darling.
He must manage his reactivity to a situation and control those pesky emotions. This is not a YOU problem. It is a HIM problem.
Don’t you ever blame yourself or feel any type of way over his behaviour. He is a grown man and should learn to communicate better. If he doesn’t want to be with you, then he knows where the door is. I don’t see permanent farm living in your future, darling.

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Tags: agri agony auntdating a farmerdestructive relationshipnarcissismnarcissisticnarcissistic relationshiprelationship advicerelationship advice for farmers
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Noluthando Ngcakani

Noluthando Ngcakani

With roots in the Northern Cape, this Kimberley Diamond has had a passion for telling human interest stories since she could speak her first words. A foodie by heart, she began her journalistic career as an intern at the SABC where she discovered her love for telling agricultural, community and nature related stories. Not a stranger to a challenge Ngcakani will go above and beyond to tell your truth.

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