WTF’d from Soweto in Johannesburg writes:
Liewe Lulu,
What do you do when a guy constantly asks, “Why are we even together?” at the end of every argument? Thabo and I met in January this year at a mutual friend’s birthday party and our connection was almost instant.
We started spending most of our time together and have made amazing memories in our relationship. In the first month of us dating, he told me that he loved me while the sun was setting on his farm. This caught me off guard, though, because I wasn’t really ready to take that step so early in the relationship. I went along with it anyways.
Well, fast-forward six-months later and things have gone sour. We constantly fight over the smallest things and I never know when he might snap. He will be happy one moment and then dangle our relationship in my face and threaten to end it whenever he gets frustrated with me. How do I make this stop, Lulz?
My dearest WTF’d
Babes, he wants you to answer, “We are together because I cannot go on living without you. You are a god amongst men.” This declaration would then be followed by your dramatic surrender into his big man guns. *Rolling my eyes.*
What a joke. I suspect that you are dealing with a narcissist of note, my dear. When you eventually get bored of having the relationship dangled over your head, simply say, “We are not.” And see what he does next.
Narcissists want to dominate and control. And the trick is to simply not give into their power play. They are charmers who will talk you into a fantasy and then ruin you. Do not submit.
He is not allowed to throw his toys out of the cot whenever he throws a tantrum.
I am assuming that he is wildly capable of expressing himself through basic, human communication skills as an adult. And I’m assuming can discern between the right and wrong way to speak to people. It boils down to manners, darling.
He must manage his reactivity to a situation and control those pesky emotions. This is not a YOU problem. It is a HIM problem.
Don’t you ever blame yourself or feel any type of way over his behaviour. He is a grown man and should learn to communicate better. If he doesn’t want to be with you, then he knows where the door is. I don’t see permanent farm living in your future, darling.
E-mail your fave no-holds-barred agri agony aunt
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