Lost and confused from Klerksdorp, North West writes…
My husband and I married just before the pandemic hit. Before, he lived in the city while I tended to my poultry farm 185 kilometres away. You could imagine my joy when he told me that he would be able to work from our new home eight months later.
Things were great at first, we did the things that newlyweds did and enjoyed our first few months of marital bliss. But life on a farm proved to be tasking for a city boy who loved the fast-paced life.
As we gradually exited the honeymoon bubble things have slowly begun to unravel in our relationship. Before we would fight about silly things like past lovers, but I am starting to think he is not the kind of person who forgets confrontation easily.
While we lived separately during the pandemic, I was happy the fights stopped and thought we were ready to move on. But now I am starting to see that he likes to keep a bit of a grudge and often uses them as weapons in our arguments.
I guess I am always the easiest scapegoat, but my issue is that he does not tell me what is going on in his head so we can solve it.
He is a great guy and is always willing to help. Before the pandemic he could easily express his feelings. We would cook together, clean and could not keep our hands off each other.
But now things are sour, tense and difficult and I am exhausted. I have recently begun to feel like giving up. What should I do?
My Dearest Lost Lamb
Seems the presence has made your hearts grow a little colder. Soz.
Emotional shutdowns do not make for a happy marriage. So, you are well within your rights to be upset.
You deserve all the love, joy, and “adult naptime” a marriage has to offer in my opinion, but that doesn’t mean you must throw in the towel just yet.
It has to be said, though, that your expectations on this honeymoon phase are also a little problematic. There are many newlyweds who find it difficult to navigate their new lives as one unit, so practice patience.
Literally BE in your marriage, thrive instead of merely existing in it. Let go of the expectation.
Expert help from a solid counsellor can help you work out the kinks in terms of what your needs are as individuals. Listen to his, and voice yours!