Matrimonially Shunned from Kimberley in the Northern Cape writes…
Liewe Lulu,
I have been ghosted yet again. Third time in a row for me, sis.
I met Jabu on Tinder and we dated for a month. He slowly started “growing tired” of me and just one day stopped talking to me entirely.
Usually I would let bygones be bygones and let sleeping dogs lie.
But this time though I couldn’t take it lying down and confronted him about it.
He went on to explain that I was not “wife material” enough for him to take our relationship seriously.
Naturally I feel worthless after he dropped this bomb. I don’t like the idea of a man’s opinion having an influence on my worth. But here they are. Jabu’s bitter words have left me insecure.
I am 26 and started a poultry business in my grandparents’ backyard. I also have a stable job. I have a lot of things going for me, you know.
But Lulz, how do I hit restart and stop feeling like there is something wrong with me?
Shunned my dearest…
Ke mang yo o leng (who is) “marriage material,” exactly?
How do you even begin to frame the concept?
Is a wife someone who breaks her back and bends over backwards when her husband beckons her?
Does she cook or run the vacuum when she sees a crumb on the carpet while settling an infant on her hip? Does it mean she brings home the bacon, caters to the emotional and physical needs of her partner, asking said mighty man how his day went in her finest lingerie with a feather duster and martini in hand?
Well the 1950s called and they want their typecast “Stepford wife” back.
It’s 2020, my sweet, and a woman is allowed to be whatever the hell material she wants to be. You do not fit the mould of a perfect woman for Jabu? So what? Who is Jabu but a mere crumb on the path towards what is meant for you?
Man is a pig. Honestly… nxn!
But moving on, marriage is a great model for many people who are the right “material” for each other. It is a partnership. Neither one is supposed to give more than the other.
In my books that scrub gave you the biggest compliment, really.
And you, my sweet, sweet shunned, will attract who is meant for you. Be patient and don’t let another woman’s dusty a** son crush your spirit.
You are WORTHY!
E-mail your fave no-holds-barred agri agony aunt
