Calling it quits from Klerksdorp, North West writes...
My wife died two years ago while we were in the process of getting divorced. I didn’t take her death well. I took a break from the dating scene until last year when I met Mbali, a single mom of two.
I am a farmer and run a chicken business. We get along well and agree on everything except for my wife’s furniture. My wife decorated the entire space and had an interest in interior design.
I love how my home looks. And Mbali did too, until she learned the history behind the décor. She now wants to change everything to make sure that there are “no more ghosts left behind” before she moves in. I have tried to reason and compromise, but she said no and insisted that if I loved her I could afford it.
This has put a strain on our relationship. My friends say this is a red flag, but I honestly love this woman and her kids.
My dearest Quits
Sound the sirens because this is dead ass weird behaviour! Bathong keng ka Mbali?
I ask because it is concerning. This is not a disagreement about furniture, it is a disagreement about furniture that is layered and rooted in Miss M’s insecurity over your past relationship and your love for her.
Miss Ma’am is flat out insecure babe. Beep. Bop!
This insecurity could rear its ugly beast head in a million different ways that don’t even have anything to do with your home décor.
A quick break down of a what red flags are: There are certain behaviours that should seriously make you pause and think “eintlik“, this person is being weird.” They could also indicate a larger pattern.
Might I suggest that we pump the brakes for a hot minute here. I am not saying break up.
But if your partner’s behaviours are making you feel a little iffy, then it is a sign that something needs to be addressed, either with yourself, her or even a therapist.
I highly recommend we approach Miss M and tenderly ask her to consider therapy. I mean there are kids involved here. God forbid you break up months into building your life together as a blended family over what triggers her insecurity next. Phone snooping, restrictions of movements, limitations over the friends you are allowed to have or even a need to prove your dedication to her in ways that feel impossible. She’s a grown ass woman for crying out loud.
And you are not off the hook either, Mr Man. I strongly advise that you consider counselling. Whether you and your dead wife were in the process of divorce doesn’t mean you weren’t affected by her death. That might also be a reason why you’re hanging on to her memories. Sift through your feelings.
So slow down for a bit until you feel comfortable to at least compromise on a new microwave, and she feels more secure in your relationship so she does not have to make these ridiculous ultimatums for control.
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