Messy potato farmer from Sasolburg, Free State writes…
I recently became involved with a woman I have been friends with for years. We met ten years ago at a farmers’ event, rekindled the romance under lockdown and have sort of found ourselves in a relationship.
She does not want to put labels on it yet.
A couple of months ago I went to visit her on her vegetable farm. She said that she was disappointed in me after I had left an empty cup in her bakkie, my muddied shoes on her carpet and scattered her cushions on her couch. Apparently, there is a specific order that she likes them…
Look, I am not the tidiest or neatest man on the planet, but I feel like her comments were a little over the top.
I can change and I told her that I am willing to, but she said she needed space. She said she was not sure if she could be romantically involved with someone who is as messy as I was and did not show any respect for her space.
We have not had much communication following the incident and I am afraid I might lose the chance to prove myself.
I think I would be devastated if I had to lose her, do you have any advice for how I can fix it? In the past she dated some bad men who cheated and disrespected her. I am not like them, I love her Lulz.
My Dearest Mr Mess
Ahh baby, I feel for you. Come lay your head on Liewe Lulu’s bosom for comfort and a tissue!
I cannot help but wonder if your boo is OCD? Or is she just plain reluctant to be with you due to what I suspect may be a hint of fear of intimacy because of the scumbags in her past?
Whatever it is, the situation calls for a good old sit-down. Very non-confrontational and relaxed, but also very serious. Think of Don Vito Corleone meets Mary Poppins.
Now for the real tea: you are literally the most emotionally intelligent man I have ever encountered. You have answered yourself in essence and I must commend you for wanting to rectify your dirty wrongdoing!
What I do worry about, though, is the damage done by her exes. You need to ask what has caused your blissful relationship to tumble so far off track and let her know that you are willing to work on your messiness if she is willing to work on her intimacy issues.
This is a two way street, akere, not a “my way or the highway” situation. Ask her to lay her cards open about what is bothering her also and then work from there, my angel.