Unrooted in Ficksburg, Free State writes
I am engaged to be married to the father of my five-year-old son. In the seven years we have been together, our relationship has been nothing short of challenging.
In the past, we have had a lot of communication problems and outside parties who also stick their noses in our business. My mother, for one, always has something to say about how he is not good enough for me while his friends always influence him to go out partying.
I am 40 and left my teaching job to start a potato farming business two years ago. It is growing but can be stressful sometimes. My fiancé is almost 45 and works a regular job.
Last year I came across a message on his phone and found out that he was dating someone. I confronted him, he denied it, and told me he loved me. We moved on.
I love him but sometimes he makes me feel like I am not important to him and I do not want to waste my time.
Some three months ago, he brought up a conversation that left me disturbed; he told me that we should start dating other people in the meantime and if our relationship was meant to be, then we would get married.
Should I cut my losses and just move on? It is not easy throwing away seven years of my life.
My dearest Rooted,
Yoh hai my darling, where are the scissors to cut this man loose? Clearly you are being strung along by this philanderer of note, who not only cheated on you but is also asking you for more leg room to cheat? Bathong!
Liewe Lulu has read your letter nearly forty times to make sense of the shenanigans of this man. You have also left her wondering how big his balls are for him to even ask such a bloody ridiculous question?
Baby, here is the real tea (careful – it’s hot and unpleasant to swallow): You are not a priority. By staying in your life while actively cheating on you, he is holding you in a state of suspension and leaving you unsure if you should stay and wait or move on.
He has moved on but is keeping you on the back burner for the sake of convenience.
The number of years you have been together cannot make up for the level of disrespect shown by this scumbag.
Cheaters come in all shades, shapes, and sizes and he is rocking the boat so much that he wants you to jump ship first.
It is an intentional tactic used by scumbags like your man so that he can play victim and tell the world “she left me.” Coupled with some crocodile tears, and he doesn’t look like the bad guy, you do.
Love is a game, but it does not mean you must play. Now is the time to make decisions that are beneficial for you and your son.
This “know your worth” rhetoric is not my favourite thing to say but, in this case, my darling, you need to respect yourself enough and tell him your heart is not a plaything and kick his ass to the curb.
A simple voetsek will suffice, but since we are nicer in 2021, akere.
Being with someone who does not respect your love and shakes your self-confidence is not sexy at all. I urge you once more to grab your biggest pair of scissors and cut that bum loose. You are worthy of a greater love than the pile of sh*t you have been dealt.
Be strong and move on my sweet, sweet Rooted.