Farmer repellent from Malamulele, Limpopo writes…
I am newly in a relationship with a fellow cattle farmer for three months now and really like this guy.
I have a history of kind of getting ahead of myself and I am trying this new thing where I do not come on too strong.
We have had sex a few times and it has been amazing, but I am struggling to get a sense of his levels of commitment and intimacy.
In the past I have gone into relationships at high speed and high intensity and always end up scaring the guy away.
I really want to see this relationship last, but I am struggling to find balance between going full-force and “being the cool girl”.
Please help, Lulz…
Repellent, my dearest
This letter reminds me of a younger and more vibrant Liewe Lulu. She had quite the rendezvous with these mens because she liked someone new every week and was cringingly bad at playing the “cool game.”
In high school and my early 20s I was caught trying to be someone I was not. As women we are taught to play “hard to get”. To make him make the first move, because men like the chase.
So, women must wait to be wooed and not do the wooing? Times are changing and the dynamics of the chase are too!
Go get your man, sis! Speak your damn truth!
Awkwardness aside, I can tell you from experience that many men also like to freak out about how much they like their new person. Of course our society doesn’t think its kosher, it is too sappy, or you are a doormat, it is not masculine. Which is a damn shame because who doesn’t like being liked?
Try this: “Hey cutie, I want to be straight with you. I feel you, you are super interesting and any time (sex) spent with you is a blast. I like where this is going, if I come off as too awkward or eager it is because I am excited when I see you, and I want to date someone who likes that I like them… Are you that kind of man?”
Be careful though and do make sure your words are in alignment with your actions. Please make sure you are both looking for the same outcome. Don’t now go settle for an arrangement other than the one you are looking for. Never try to appease your partner by running to him every time he sends that “You up?” text. None of that “no-strings attached”, “casual sex is best” bull.
You are looking for your forever person and if the red flags are there do not lower your expectations. Akere you are a lioness, pounce onto the next one, babes!
The catches are plenty in these streets!