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Liewe Lulu: Farmer’s wife wonders if she’s flirting with fire

Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s no-holds-barred agri agony aunt. While she receives many letters from across South Africa, preference is given to those who are working in the agricultural sector. Yes, farmers have issues too, and Liewe Lulu’s got the tissues

By Noluthando Ngcakani
farmer's wife
No one is wrong when there's a miscommunication. But there is a line between innocent flirting and talking yourself into an affair. Photo: Food For Mzansi

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Guilty Cougar from Ermelo, Mpumalanga writes…

Liewe Lulu

I married my farmer husband – who is the perfect man – at 20. It has been 28 beautiful years and we have three beautiful adult children. They have left the nest and it is just the two of us. We farm with chickens and some grains; our life is perfect.

But there are many stresses in our life. They are mostly related to our extended family. For one, I am 48 and they still insist on treating me like a makoti, and are always telling me what to do with my life.

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They believe I should be barefoot in the kitchen, while I have spent my life building a career.

ALSO READ: My monster-in-law says I’m not a real Makoti

I work in town and have become friends with a young and handsome guy there. I enjoy talking to him. He is single and makes jokes and asks me if I am “still married”.

I would never think of cheating on my husband, we never argue and have a solid marriage. He does give me a lot of attention, but I am also enjoying the attention from this young buck at work. Why do I feel weird about it?

My Dearest Miss Kitty…

You are only human and the attention you are receiving is flattering. Flirting is defined as behaving in a way that shows a sexual attraction for someone, but at the same time it is not meant to be taken seriously. The definition is true for some innocent flirting, but we all know some people have bigger intentions.

Men flirt for six main reasons: to get sex, explore what it would be like to be in a relationship, to strengthen a relationship, to try to get something to increase their self-esteem and to have fun.

What a buffet of options.

Your situation is tricky because you can so easily cross the blurred lines of innocent fun and intentional infidelity.

You do not say whether your husband was aware of the flirtation. If he isn’t, maybe that is the reason why you are so riddled with guilt.

I think it’s time to clue your husband in. If you do, he may not object. However, if he is threatened, in the interest of keeping your perfect marriage perfect, let this friend know that from now on your communications will have to be strictly business.

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Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s agri agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
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Liewe Lulu

Sassy, classy and a bit bad assy, no stone goes unturned as Liewe Lulu answers all your love woes. She’s a ball of wisdom with all the answers to your burning questions, from personal hygiene to getting and bedding your lover. Liewe Lulu has got you covered.

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Food For Mzansi is an initiative to introduce South Africans to the unsung heroes of the agricultural industry. We unashamedly share success stories and good news from the farms and agri-businesses who feed South Africa. We believe in the power of agriculture to promote nation building and social cohesion by telling stories that are often overlooked by broader society.

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