Between a Rock and a Hard Place from Cape Town, Western Cape…
Liewe Lulu,
Five months ago, if you had told me that I would be head over heels in love with the man of my dreams, I would have laughed at you. Because, hey, I don’t believe in that!
But it happened. I was buying coffee at a coffee shop not far from where I work, and there he was. The yummiest chef I have ever laid my eyes on asked me for my number, and the rest was history.
This man is driven, great in bed, he does chores and he cooks. Man, I thought I hit the jackpot.
Fast forward to the end of March. Lockdown happens and our love bubble starts to implode. Boo has been out of work with the restaurants closed. As a result, his salary has stopped coming and he is now unable to afford rent. He is devastated and worried all the time, and I get it.
A couple of weeks ago he asked to move in with me, but I have my doubts. Lately he has been standoffish and lashes out at me every opportunity that he gets. This has made me feel uncomfortable. Whenever I express my concerns, he makes me feel like they’re invalid, because he has bigger issues. I want to be a supportive girlfriend, and I am considering opening my home.
Please help, I hope I am not making a mistake….
My dearest Between a Rock…
Nana, abort mission! Please do NOT let that man move in with you! Yes, he is a beast in the sheets who tidies up every now and then, but the mere fact that you have doubts speaks volumes. It says that you are not ready to take that leap. Your gut has spoken, tune in and listen!
This arrangement just has too many red flags.
His situation sucks, but that is no excuse for him to treat you like a punching bag for his pent-up frustrations.
Love is respect, love is kind, love is freedom. You should never feel stifled or suppressed for having concerns. At the end of the day you did not lock down this country and do not deserve this kind of treatment.
You have worked up Liewe Lulu, because now this man gaslights you to top it all off.
Imagine how this would be intensified when you live together. Your home is your sanctuary, it is your little slice of peace and when you let him in, you will lose your voice and peace of mind. Be careful.
When couples decide to move in together, both should want to do so. And you, my babe, sound more like you are being coerced. It’s like you don’t have a choice in the matter and are obligated to accommodate him, because he is down on his luck.
Before you take the leap, ask yourself if this will be a permanent situation. You should establish this first. How are you going to split costs? You must have the uncomfortable money conversations first before you decide to take the step.
Remember that you are not his mother. Don’t even get it twisted. He should be making alternative plans to get back up on his feet. Relationships are all about two individuals openly deciding to compromise. You are not Bob the Builder, you cannot fix him, he must sort it out himself.
