Bamboozled and BEEwildered from Randburg in Gauteng writes…
I am starting to notice the lies that my boyfriend tells.
I met him at a birthday celebration for our mutual friend in February and we hit it off from jump.
In the first few months of being together he seemed very well put together. This dude is the youngest senior economist at his firm, he had his own luxury car and OWNED his own apartment in Joburg.
Naturally as an entrepreneur who runs a quaint honey farming operation, I look for someone who is on the same wavelength as me in terms of values and financial security is something I hold near and dear.
Did I mention that he dressed and smelled so good? He was my type on paper and ticked all the right boxes.
Anyways, I started picking up on some holes in his stories, like around five months into the relationship. Lockdown restrictions had been eased to level three and we could finally see each other.
I did not pay attention to the exaggeration in his stories at first, but I would mention a mentor in the industry I looked up to and he would be on some, “Yeah, Dirk… I know him I can get you a meeting.”
I was in a bubble for a bit, mesmerised by the promises of being flown across the country. While I am not a gold digger or anything like that, it has been nine months and I am convinced he is living in an imaginary world.
Not only is this man unemployed and not qualified for the role of a teller let alone an economist, that car he was flashing around in belongs to his parents. Whom he still lives with. Did I mention the mountains of credit card debt for the nice clothes and designer cologne?
He has broken my trust and I do not know what to do.
Apparently, he got retrenched from his job at a call centre during lockdown. I sympathize, but why lie? If he can lie about such a non-issue, he can lie about bigger things, mos.
Would I be shallow if I ended things?
Boozled, my dearest honey suckle…
Ahh, I smell a SCAMMER, babe!
It was my King Bey and Lady Gaga who recited an iconic monologue in the music video for their 2010 hit Telephone.
In an ode to, renegades on the run in the 1991 movie Thelma & Louise the duo say: “Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it once its broken… but you can still see the cracks in that mother f****’s reflection.”
Queue a roaring Liewe Lulu…
Financial infidelity erodes trust just as much as sexual cheating.
The man is pathological if we are being honest, and might as well have two bokkies on the side if he is going to weave a whole web of lies about his life, or his possessions and achievements.
Dishonesty is dishonesty no matter which area of your life it applies to.
The uncomfortable “money talks” and verification of facts I believe should come sooner rather than later. Especially once a relationship has progressed to a more serious level such as being mutually exclusive, and so forth and what not.
What you uncover will not always be pretty, though. And you, my sweet now have two options I present you with:
Option one, stay? If you are both invested in the relationship, then it can be a solvable problem. If you WANT to!
Start afresh and get to know the “real him” as the out-of-work scoundrel with the charm of a 1000 Michael B. Jordans who is just momentarily out of his luck.
At the end of the day financial mismanagement is a shameful cross to bear and can incite feelings of massive insecurity in anybody. This does not excuse the blatant lie though!
Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship and when that breaks down, you feel bare. Period.
OR option two, you could also kick the liar, liar whose pants have been on fire for nine months straight to the curb. Be stone cold about it, even.
Peace, love and light.
E-mail your fave no-holds-barred agri agony aunt