Home Liewe Lulu Liewe Lulu: Do I marry out of duty?

Liewe Lulu: Do I marry out of duty?

Honestly, I love being alone, but the pressure is making me reconsider


Lone Wolf, from Hertzogville in the Free State writes…

I am 29, single, straight, run a 200-hectare cattle operation and I am honestly fulfilled by it.

The last time I had a boyfriend, or any form of a companion was three years ago.

My parents have run this farm together since they got married, and so did my father’s parents before him.

Everybody thought I would marry young, but my thing is the longer I have been single, the less interested I have become in getting married.

I often get the intrusive “wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to help around the farm?”

To which I respond: “But you know what? I can hire that, and they would probably be a better fit than a husband…”

I am happy living alone, sleeping alone, being alone. What hurts me, though, is the farming fraternity that surrounds me.

It is unusual being black and a woman in this industry.

Being black, a woman and single is not really received well by the predominantly white male Free State farming industry.

I feel like I am side-lined because I choose to remain committed to what serves me.

I am slowly giving up on fitting into their circles, though. But the lessons they have to offer are many and could be for my betterment.

Am I screwing myself for the future by being a childless spinster? Any words of wisdom?

Lone, My dearest love…

But you are married?

Instead of committing to the “old ball and chain,” you have broken free from the shackles of what society deems “correct” and kosher.

Enjoy your blissful union to life, agriculture, and sweet, sweet lady liberty.

Being female in 2020 is the freedom of being whoever you want to be, and if that is a “childless spinster”, as you say, then so be it.

Those Ooms on the plaas need to get with the programme. Stand firm and make them mentor you, schmooze until they soften up and take you under their wings.

Side note, you can always change your mind when you are 50 and retired, adopt a young fresh husband to live out the rest of your days with in Paris or the Bahamas and reminisce on the days you were a renegade cowgirl who refused to conform to outdated and stale norms. Your heart’s content, really.

Own your truth, live your truth.

E-mail your fave no-holds-barred agri agony aunt

Noluthando Ngcakani
Noluthando Ngcakani
With roots in the Northern Cape, this Kimberley Diamond has had a passion for telling human interest stories since she could speak her first words. A foodie by heart, she began her journalistic career as an intern at the SABC where she discovered her love for telling agricultural, community and nature related stories. Not a stranger to a challenge Ngcakani will go above and beyond to tell your truth.

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