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in Liewe Lulu, Lifestyle

My farmer bae’s friends make me uncomfortable

by Noluthando Ngcakani
20th August 2021
liewe lulu

This Gauteng farmer has a dilemma: her hubby had an affair and she wants to meet the mistress. Your favourite agri agony aunt has advice. Photo: Food For Mzansi

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Lamb under Threat in Klerksdorp, North West writes…

Liewe Lulu,

I have been seeing a wonderful man for seven months and spend every weekend with him. We are both farmers and live in different towns but it works for us. I run a small vegetable business while he farms with sheep.

He has a group of six friends who are all women that he spends a lot of time with. He used to be involved with one of them for two years before he broke it off and they have remained friends.

He has male friends too, but he is much closer to the girls.

I have met the group, and they will be friendly when I am around, but I cannot help but get a vibe from them. They make me feel like I am stepping on their toes and make me feel like I am an imposter.

He assured me that I could trust him, and that I had nothing to worry about. But still, every time I am around them they make me feel like he is their property.

Am I looking for trouble where there isn’t any? Should I ignore the fact that his friends are women?

My Dearest Little Lamb…

Oh honey, I understand that this is a difficult situation for you. But some men just relate better to women than they do to men. Which may be why your boo thing is closer to these women than he is to his male counterparts.

Think Joan and William on the iconic sitcom Girlfriends. Theirs was a friendship that was strictly platonic. I know everyone says this, but seriously.

You’ve probably come across the “law of attraction” philosophy. It is based on the belief that thoughts are a form of energy and that positive energy attracts success in all areas of life, including health, finances and relationships.

The law of attraction suggests that positive thoughts yield positive results, and negative thoughts, well they yield a s**t show.

We don’t know where the relationship is headed, so for now just ignore the vibes from those possessive gal pals.

You attract the things you resist and fear into your life. This whining and moaning about these girls – cast those wenches out of your thoughts; do not assume that they are out to sabotage your relationship.

They may even be emitting heavy proprietary vibes because they feel threatened by you, and fear that you will steal him away.

Instead of all this negativity, try some thoughts along the lines of: “He is worthy of my trust, he has been there for me and helped me when I needed him.”

Also: “I love him just the way he is, I don’t need to change anything about him.”

Now go on, be warm and friendly to these possessive lady friends and concentrate on what you have going on with your farmer bae.

Write to Ma Bokwe

Ma Bokwe is Food For Mzansi’s fearless agri agony aunt. Got a love, life, or farm-heartache question? Priority goes to anyone in the agricultural world, because yes, farmers and workers have feelings too, and Ma Bokwe’s got the tissues… and the tea.

Noluthando Ngcakani

With roots in the Northern Cape, this Kimberley Diamond has had a passion for telling human interest stories since she could speak her first words. A foodie by heart, she began her journalistic career as an intern at the SABC where she discovered her love for telling agricultural, community and nature related stories. Not a stranger to a challenge Ngcakani will go above and beyond to tell your truth.

Tags: Agri agony auntfarmer relationship adviceLiewe Lulurelationship advice for farmers
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