Side Links from Ermelo, Mpumalanga writes…
Liewe Lulu
I am 24 and have never been in a “real” relationship.
The men I usually go for are only ever interested in hooking up and I am scared to tell them how I feel over fear of rejection.
I am easy on the eye and do get a lot of male attention. This is not a marker of my self-worth. Also, none of them are tempting enough as I do not have the time.
A year ago, I started a vegetable and poultry cooperative with my siblings when I moved back home for the lockdown.
Little did I know that I would find myself in a seven-month-long entanglement with my engaged neighbour, who is in his forties.
Our first night together was magical, to say the least. He is a flirt and a half and charmed my socks off… among other things.
The conversation and companionship have been stimulating to the point where I accept my label as a side chick.
Mind you, I have never done anything like this before and have been surprisingly handling the emotional parts of our equation well.
However, I keep asking myself why this man is seeing me on the side. I thought his girlfriend would be a dull makoti but she is gorgeous and five years older than me.
Seeing her in the flesh was a shock and I now feel bothered. I know there is no future in our situationship, and that we are both just in it for a good time.
Lulz, I cannot help but wonder though, if things would have been different had I never known about her? The conversation seems to be decreasing since I came face to face with her, and I feel awkward.
Should I just go with the flow and enjoy the very good occasional sex on his terms? Or should I stand up for myself and tell him he needs to put more effort into our relationship?
I have been ignoring him but always find myself peeking through the window watching him as he comes and goes. Please, please help me.
My dearest Sneaky Link
I am not going to delve into the scandal of it all with this letter.
We never cheer for the villain or the “other woman” and letters like yours are always met with a side eye and a cold, “she deserves it, she shouldn’t have put her fingers in another woman’s pie.”
Screw all that! I am happy you wrote to me because I do love picking up on aspects other people miss about your situation.
No-one warns you about your freaking 20’s now, do they?
So, I am not going to perch myself on some moral high ground because you remind me of the confused 24-year-old hurricane that I once was. Clinging on to half-assed relationships with a mighty, full, fiery heart without ever intending to do so.
I know when we are young, we get all the way twisted with the idea that to be fun and to have fun we have to get our hearts out of it. Be a stone-cold b*tch and all that jazz.
We must be cool with being labelled a sneaky link, we must leave our hearts at home when we go to the streets. We simply have no choice but to be cool with the fact that the man we are sleeping with is engaged to a whole other woman.
Good times in your 20s thrive on carelessness and recklessness. But let us be honest, it is cool to care, my bok bok.
Be honest with yourself for a second. What does it mean to have a good fun time for you? What does it look and feel like? If it was having casual sex on dial, then you have that. You would still be feeling good, and you damn sure would not be writing to me.
Honestly, I think the hook-up with this man is not a vibe for you, babes. I get the danger of it all, and the rush of those moments in the dark with this “forbidden fruit,” because they make you feel alive and all that sh*t.
But it is dangerous when you build a home in people. This situation clearly no longer serves you and I suggest you leave it in the dark, like those stolen moments.
No judgements, but get out of the mess and just keep feeding the nation.