Befuddled state of mind from Brazzaville, Congo writes
What do you do when a man suddenly loses interest in you?
In November last year when I moved from Nelspruit to the Congo, I never expected that I would fall in love with a chocolate African man.
He pursued me the moment the moment I set foot on the 2000-hectare beef enterprise where we counted among six graduate farm managers in the Congo.
We are so similar that it is scary.
He used to joke and say that I am either his long-lost twin or his future wife. As the months passed what I thought was a joke turned into him asking me out. It is difficult to ignore the advances of a Congolese man. He was tall, dark, had a beard and spoke French. They just ooze sex appeal. And do not get me started on the dancing!
I was hesitant because I had been involved with a colleague once and it ended badly. When I relayed these concerns, Guy simply said, “Everything happens for a reason, maybe you haven’t found the right guy yet.” He kept aggressively pursuing me and I eventually gave in.
For two months we dated and connected. It was fun, I am not going to lie. Obviously, I let him have the cookies. It was great, again the dancing is a bonus…
Anyway, in my state of lust I asked the dreaded: “So, what are we?”
Typical man sh*t followed, he started growing distant, stopped making plans, stopped taking my calls and texting back to my messages.
I confronted him about it and he said the question turned him off because I was pressuring him into a relationship. I am not a mind reader and said he should have communicated these feelings, to which he responded that it was a “no-brainer”.
I mean, it is not like I was asking him to be my husband, I just wanted to know what our situation was and if there was a future.
The dynamic at work has been awkward. He now ignores me or calls me hurtful names when he sees me. It hurts because he was the one who pursued me, and now I find myself liking him more than ever.
Please help me…
My Dearest Befuddled
Ahhh! A modern-day love story: Boy meets girl. Boy then exhausts girl with his advances. Girl says yes, gives up the goods and is hooked. Then an unsurprising plot twist, boy is a massive knob.
I think most women have experienced men losing interest in them and pulling away at least once in their lifetime. One day he is devoted and so attracted to you and the next he is looking for reasons to avoid you. It is like watching a breakup in slow motion.
What a d*ckhead. Alas my darling, remember this: one thing about men, if they want you their intentions with you will be clear. Clear as daylight, fam!
If he wants to be involved with you there will be no doubt about it. There would be no mixed signals!
Now, onto dealing with the rejection. Mother Maya Angelou once said, “If things don’t work out, say ‘Thank you’ because something better is coming along.”
In all honesty you dodged a bullet. Who wants to settle down with a man baby who is scared to communicate their damn feelings like a grown ass man?
Also, he is missing out. You did say he said you have not met Mr Right. Clearly, he wasn’t it. Move on graciously like the queen you are. Don’t let him break you, rise above!