A woman scorned from Mahikeng in the North West writes…
I met this guy when I started my job nine months ago.
I was in a relationship and so was he, but I thought he was attractive. I knew I would never give in to my urges because it is wrong, and I was still in love with my boyfriend at the time.
This did not stop my feelings from growing stronger each day I saw him, and believe me I tried to hide it as best as I could.
So, one day a newfound friend from the office and I decided to go grab some coffee at a nearby café and a thirsty gentleman decided to send me an extra cappuccino as a gesture to show me that he was interested. I was already in a relationship and had no time to entertain his advances.
I brushed it off and left. As soon my friend and I got back to the office we laughed about it and my crush overheard us and asked me if he could take me for coffee the following day. I think he was threatened.
Following a rather awkward conversation he asked if we could talk when we get to the office. We did and that is when he told me that he has feelings for me. I told him that I also have feelings for him, but if he wanted us to be together, he needed to end things with his partner first. He said he would decide and a couple of days later he told me he chooses his girlfriend over me. I was shattered.
I still wanted to be friends because that is how I heal but he refused, turned cold as if I had done something wrong and we hardly spoke for months.
That is until he recently resurfaced. He brought up our past situation, whereas he did not want to talk about it before. I was honest about my feelings and told him how he made me feel. He acted shocked that I felt that way. He apologised and said he would call me the next day, but he never did.
Again, I moved on with my life. Lockdown eased and we could report back to the office. I had forgiven him. I was over the situation and he seemed to be super friendly with me which I did not really take seriously. I had moved on.
A couple of weeks later via WhatsApp text he confessed that he still has feelings for me. I did not want to entertain him, because I thought he was pulling one of his stunts. But he seemed to be quite genuine. Well, it happened again, and I fell into his trap.
Lulz I am tired of this guy. He thinks he is my sun, but he is not.
I only had a genuine interest in him because I thought he was a genuinely great guy, but he is not. Now I feel like he has made it uncomfortable for me to exist at my place of work. I wish he could just grow up and stop it with his childish games. I know I will never entertain him again but what do I do to show him that I’m not just someone he can play with?
Scorned, my dearest,
Who isn’t a sucker for an office cutie with a booty and a 1000-kilowatt smile? Trouble incarnate, those lot, if you ask me!
No cap, Liewe Lulu has been there and knows all too well that dating a co-worker (or co-workers, *coughs*) comes with a mammoth risk. Again, NO CAP!
We are human. Office romances happen and sometimes they happen out of nowhere. *Shrugs*
However, when you mix and mingle your love life with your professional life it can cause unwanted and unexpected drama if not handled the right way.
Which brings us to you, Scorned my cupcake.
It is unfortunate that you fell for a scumbag, who has proven time and time again that your feelings were a non-factor.
What is worse yet, he has gaslit you into thinking that you have made up scenarios in your head where you have imagined that he has feelings for you. He painted you as the delusional mistress thirsting after his forbidden fruit.
He played you, sis.
But babe, you said it yourself, we MOVE! We are dealing with a narcissist of note here. In fact, I think he might be Narcissus himself!
What do we do with narcissists though? We IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE.
It kills them.
Ignore that simpleton and I hate to sound like a generic Girlfriend Guide self-help book, but clearly, he is not worth it.
Also let’s end the year off right by forgiving ourselves. Forgive yourself for not knowing that he would hurt you. You are not ironclad. You are human. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs posits love as a psychological need. You loved and got burned. Now move onto the next one.
This one was not yours to begin with, he chose someone else over you. If ever there was a clearer sign, there it is in your face!
E-mail your fave no-holds-barred agri agony aunt