Confused from Pretoria writes…
I am a very strong and independent woman but when it comes to matters of my heart, yoh I am a softie, hle.
I am a farmer and grow vegetables that I sell at a small market. When I am on the field I am the boss, people respect me and I never take no for an answer when I have to bargain for deals.
In my personal and romantic life, though, things are a mess. I am so soft and sensitive, that men tend to treat me with very little respect. I have been ghosted, used, cheated on and even became a mistress and did not know it. I did not know this man was married until I got one of those “I am coming to you as a woman…stay away from my husband” messages.
I just wonder why I keep attracting these lousy men. I am lonely. Will no man ever come my way who will love me for my sensitive ass without taking advantage of my heart? Or must I be a nasty b-word for them to respect and love me?
My dearest Confused
Miss Ma’am, cancel your damn pity party already! You feed the nation, you are not a damsel in distress.
Sure we can save money, save our energy, and rescue our edges but we damn sure do not need saving. By a man no less? Immediately no.
Okay, I really do hate to break it to you, and I do say this with all the sincerity I can muster up, but the only reason these losers in your life have disrespected you is because you have let them.
Just reading your letter I cannot help but feel that the common denominator here is you. I mean, even psychologists will tell you that you are out of luck if you keep on loving with what can only be described as an “insecure attachment style” of love. Break the cycle, babes.
Remember love begins with you.
It can be difficult to find or create something if you don’t know what it looks like, if you don’t know what it feels like, and if you still have lingering doubts about what you deserve.
There’s this thing my mom likes to tell me. She always says, “you as much as anyone deserve the love you are so ready to give”. You deserve a strong, loving, fulfilling relationship, but with you first.
At the end of the day you can never really tell who is going to hurt you and who won’t, but I do believe that some time with yourself can help you better discern in the future.
And if you are so scared of winter, go buy an electric blanket man. Leave the bums alone.