Mother Goose from Vrede in the Free State writes…
Liewe Lulu,
My future daughter-in-law is a wonderful young woman who has brought my son so much happiness. Having three adult sons I could not have asked for a better daughter. She has her head on straight, she is warm, fun, genuine, driven and organized. She is a dream!
Being with this headstrong, firm gem has brought out the best in my baby, he is charming, a little less ambitious but everyone loves him. I don’t think he will ever stop being my baby despite him being 27!
With that said my son is also kind of a baby and likes to be mothered, his fiancé does plenty of that. She speaks to him as if he were five.
I tried to raise my concern once, but he shut me down quickly and said I was wrong. It bothers me to a point where I cringe at their dynamic.
Should I try again? This time in a tag team approach with my husband? Or do I let it go?
My Dearest Goose on the Loose,
Mama Bear, retract your claws please, and understand that you can never give advice to people who do not want it.
Your grown a** son is happy, his fiancé is happy, and a wise mother knows when to stay silent and when to step in.
All you can do is adjust. Many parents will always have conflicting feelings when their child marries. This is the official step towards “parental emancipation.” On one hand you are overjoyed that your son has found someone to love and who loves them too. On the other lies a myriad of worries and concerns.
You worry, asking yourself if he will be happy living out the rest of his days with this woman? How will they raise their children? Will the relationship with his new in-laws be positive?
And lastly, what will you do with your time? After 27 whole years of giving guidance.
These are valid concerns and perfectly natural. But just as your children need to move forward and plan for their future, you need to adjust and find your place in life again.
See it as a positive thrust towards change. Raising a child to adulthood is no easy feat and seeing them achieve independence is an amazing reward. It means you have overcome and conquered the task of being called a parent.
All you can do at this point is model the type of relationship you wish for him. I am sure you have raised him well enough to know his worth.
E-mail your fave no-holds-barred agri agony aunt
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