Lost City Girl from Kuruman in the Northern Cape writes…
I feel like an outsider amongst my friends.
Before lockdowns were implemented, I was a regular “City Girl” living her best, champagne-filled life with like-minded ladies who I thought were the epitome of #BlackGirlMagic, uplifting sistas who always had my back.
When the “City Girls were UP” I was that one friend in the squad who would always spoil my girls with random plans for ladies’ trips or book tickets to fancy fine dining events. And when any of them needed a pick-me-up, I would be at their door with a bottle of something French and a box of Belgian chocolates in hand.
This year, my life took a bit of a sharp turn. Living in a pandemic-ridden world, I counted amongst many South Africans who were retrenched from their jobs due to the implications that the national lockdown had on our economy.
So, your girl had to move back to her parents’ home in Kuruman and turn back to the drawing board. To my shock the ladies I had once formed a sisterhood with abandoned me. We went from regular “agh shame friend” video calls, to them actively excluding me in their plans and showcasing their best city lives on their insta stories.
What a slap in the face.
Anyways, following months of feeling sorry for myself, instead of looking to survive I chose to thrive and started a vegetable garden in my parents back yard. Fast forward four months later and business has definitely picked up. I am slowly but surely building a sustainable life for myself and my family.
I even managed to purchase a Bantam bakkie at an auction that I now use to do deliveries within my community. Now that life is picking up bo sistas are trying to worm their way back into my life and have even included me in their vacation plans for the summer.
But Lulz, I do not think I want to go, because they abandoned me at my worst.
One of them once had the habit of always looking to me to foot the bill on friend dates that she arranged and has even borrowed money, which I must add has never been paid back to me.
I miss the company yes, but I do not see a continued friendship with this squad adding any value to my life.
What is the protocol for breaking up with friends?
My Dearest Lost,
Ohhh chile, those dingbats were not your friends. What a collective of toxic b*tches they were. A gaggle of opportunists, in fact. The lot of them.
Moving on, sweety, their rekindled interest in your well-being frankly comes from a parasitic POV, once more positioning you as the proverbial piggy bank of the group. BOUNDARIES are born from moments like this where we feel threatened. Build them!
Never feel bad for breaking off any kinds of unhealthy friendships, because that squad of self-absorbed, selfish so-called friends of yours will not care either. They left your a** out in the cold and are only looking to gain from you.
You do not need toxic people or their wishy-washy storm of negativity in your life.
Point blank, period.
Any good friend will always be there to wipe your tears and snot away, lift you up from the ground, dust your kneecaps off and guide you for the better. They will never leave you out in the cold.
Wish them a very happy holiday and life by ignoring them from now on, you will prevent them from destroying this new-found happiness and that accumulating fortune of yours.
Align yourself with people who care and want to spend time with you, support you and lift you up.’
Deuces to those bums!
E-mail your fave no-holds-barred agri agony aunt
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