Fighting chance in Queensburgh, KwaZulu-Natal writes…
Do I miss him or am I just feeling sorry for myself?
I was in a relationship for two years and have been newly single for seven months now. my ex wanted me barefoot in a kitchen tending to his every need. I had different ambitions and started a piggery which consumes most of my time.
When I first met my ex I thought, “hey, this is it. I have met the one!” He was kind, generous, made me laugh and there was never a dull moment. I thought I had found my king and we would start building our farming kingdom together.
Jikki jikki, he started to switch up on me. He became cold and distant. suddenly I did not know my place as a woman. Meals I made were too spicy. my place was too messy and I was gaining too much weight for him to keep being attracted to me.
I initiated the breakup because I just could not handle being made to feel like I was not enough. Somehow, someway I lost touch with myself. this was me pouring all of me into this relationship with this man. i blocked him, deleted his number and I was ready to move on.
It has not happened for me yet, though, but it has for him and he could not be happier. He has even become this totally new person. For her, he is the kind and understanding man I once knew.
I used to nag him about making plans for his future, like starting a small business, and fnally he has. I told him to grow his beard and now he has one, a request that was once an insult.
I do not know if I miss him or if I am feeling sorry for myself. I have not been with another man since we’ve been apart, and I do not know if I am ready.
It is lonely here on “know your worth” island, sis!
This is me sitting with my fingers crossed every day that he will come to his senses and DM me and ask me out and tell me he is single again. Am I a lost cause?
My dearest fighter,
Baby, let go. You were Bob the Builder, fixed it and now you must let your project flourish. He was not the best man for you, did not step up to the plate when he needed to and was an emotional vampire.
Who on earth could miss a person like that?
While he may be the biggest ass I have ever been acquainted with on paper, the fact that he has changed for this new woman was not about you.
Maybe he realised that he was garbage and made a blood oath with some saint to change his life. Maybe he never felt the same about you. Maybe he is in love and this woman is his soulmate. Who the hell knows? People’s actions are tricky and have nothing to do with us.
Detach from your past situation. The only way is forward. Side note: nostalgia and hearsay will hurrddd you. Do not allow those unwelcome guests to make a home in your head. Do not be fooled by what you hear or see. Once a scumbag always a scumbag.
On the outside he is a better man, but those rotten bits are still there! Trust me. And when you stalk him on the sly, of course you will see the pretty parts, the superficial, vomit-inducing dedication posts. Ugh.
When we flex on the “gram” we are selective in what we decide to put out for the world to see. Struggle and ugly do not make people double tap.
Whether your relationship was the catalyst to his betterment or not, do not fight it. Come to terms with it. We move! Your situation is history. Grow from it, learn from it, and keep building your piggy empire by yourself. “Know your worth” pays off in the end.