Loneliest Mama Bear from Potchefstroom, North West writes…
Liewe Lulu,
I am a farming mom with two beautiful boys and a loving husband who works in Johannesburg. I have no real friends and mostly spend my days on the farm with my boys.
After lockdown I had lost my job in the city and decided to farm full-time on my late father’s land. I also take care of my mother’s medical needs and take care of my sister’s daughters when she is at work.
I see my husband every weekend, but even when I do, weekends fly by so fast; especially when you are parents to a toddler and an infant.
I haven’t been anywhere by myself in a very long time, and I can’t remember the last time my husband and I had a date night either.
I am so lonely. Please share some advice on making time for me and my marriage?
My Dearest Lonely Bear…
Your cup runneth on empty my angel, I feel for you. Rest your weary head on Liewe Lulu’s shoulder. Here is a tissue too.
You have been so helpful to everyone that you have forgotten to take care of yourself. Martyrdom is problematic in the times we are living in.
Mommy burnout is a thing, you know. And if ever you find yourself more on edge, withdrawn and chronically exhausted that’s a clear indication that you need some damn TLC before you crumble.
You need truckloads of TLC because you mother children and you put food on the nation’s table!
It is time to gather yourself, because taking care of yourself and putting yourself first is not selfish, babes.
I suggest you have a sit down with your hubby the next time he rolls into town. Tell him, “Lovie, I would love for us to treat ourselves at least once every two weeks.”
Obviously, he will agree, (if he knows what’s good for him). You will then cash in all the favours you’ve been doing for your sister – I mean she can babysit your bambinos at least twice a month. If she disagrees, you are going to have to hire some help.
Being a martyr is problematic, and I say this with experience. You will die doing it. Recognise it, nip it in the bud and stand up for yourself. If you don’t nobody else will.
Take care of yourself so you can keep taking care of others.
